Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
