My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Less talking, more tequila
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
