I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
