Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
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i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
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Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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