So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Green mimosas i think yes
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
