Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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