I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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