Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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