I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize