Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
