wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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