Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
