Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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