FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
