Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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