just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
