When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
