When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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