I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
