Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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