My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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