I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
