I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
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You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
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I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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