the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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