I wish I only lived at night.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I have already put on my inside pants.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
