Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Randomize
