thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
