I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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