I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
honey bunches of taint.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
