Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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