cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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