When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
