The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
