He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
