im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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