I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
