Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
This is classic penis vs brain.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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