he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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