you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
