): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
