He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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