The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
