I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
