o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
