I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
