I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I did not marry a roomba.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
