I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
