What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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