I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
cat food counts as protein by the way
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
