I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
