stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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