and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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