i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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