I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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