Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
