You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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