Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
