You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
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