Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
