I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
