i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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