forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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