thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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